Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening!!

Lisa M Hayes

We communicate with so many people throughout our lives. Some of these interactions are casual while others are formal!! Some interactions are easily forgotten while others linger on our mind for long periods of time. But whatever communication we are doing with people around us, there is always this interaction with ourselves going on in the background. We may not be aware of any such interaction but believe me we are constantly talking to ourselves!!

Self-talk is just like a running monologue throughout the day. Sometimes we realize that it is happening, but we still do not pay much attention to it. But don’t you think that we should take utmost care about what and how we talk with ourselves. Afterall, what we will give out depends on what we have inside, isn’t it?? And moreover, we think so much before talking to others then why not apply the same rule to ourselves.

Now that we know about the self-talk, we should observe how our self-talk actually is. In some situations, it can be positive and encouraging while in others it can be negative and discouraging. Many psychologists believe that our self-talk remarkably influences our emotions, thoughts, and behavior. The nature of this dialogue with self, whether it is positive or negative, can shape up our personal and professional lives. Some people have natural ability to look at the brighter side of the picture and a positive self-talk always helps them in doing so but unfortunately majority of people tend to think negatively and this thinking is further strengthened by their negative self-talk. But don’t worry as we can learn to develop positive thinking and do away from the negative one, our self-talk becomes more and more positive naturally.

Let’s take a look at few steps to improve our self-talk.

1. Acknowledge and observe the self-talk: In order to change something, we first need to be aware of what we have with us. So, keep a track of what kind of self-talk we usually have. Keeping a tab on our inner dialogue will give us a clear picture of the pattern of our self-talk.

2. Question your self-talk: Once we are well aware of what is going on our mind, we can easily understand where improvement is needed. Like sometimes, we overreact in certain situations. For example, If I miss a deadline, I may have a self-talk like “I can’t do anything on time, I am such a loser.” Of course, here the situation is critical but with my self-talk, I am making it sound terrible. At this point, I should question my self-talk if the situation is actually irreparable or am I really overreacting, I may be able to think rationally and get the answer. Of course, any technique is not a magic pill and needs continuous practice. So, if you practice this way of questioning your self-talk in different ways, you will be able to identify the negative pattern of your thinking.

3. Replace the negative self-talk with rational doable statements: Once we identify where our self-talk goes on the negative track, we can take a pause and replace those statements in our mind with more rational statements affirming the possibility rather than highlighting the doubt. This is a deliberate effort on our side in order to learn to adapt to a more positive self-talk. So, in the above-mentioned example, instead of saying “I can’t do anything on time, I am such a loser”, we can practice saying “It is disappointing that I missed this deadline but let me figure out how can I correct the situation. I need to be more careful in the future.” This kind of a self-talk although not completely positive is definitely realistic and encourages us to look towards possibility than just damning ourselves. This can indeed be a good start to improve our self-talk, isn’t it??

We listen to ourselves more than anyone else throughout our life, so why not make it worth listening to!! Deliberate attempts to uplift our self-talk will create a positive self-image which will definitely reflect in our behavior. Always remember,

The way you talk to yourself, creates your reality!!