“The scariest part of raising teenagers is remembering the stupid things you did as a teenager.”

From invading my privacy to guarding his own, from asking for my opinion on silly things to declaring, “oh Mom, you won’t understand…!!”, from being perfectly predictable to throwing completely unpredictable tantrums……. You guessed it right!! I am mom of a teenager and still getting used to this shift. And I won’t deny that handling Gen Z teenager is a tough job. But have you ever wondered why is it so?? I mean the same child suddenly feels different. Well, let’s try to figure it out.

Whenever we talk about teenage or adolescence in general, the point of discussion is mostly around “hormones going wild” which I feel has a negative feel but if we change our perspective slightly, we may find that it is actually a period of profound neurodevelopmental remodeling. The teenage brain can typically be called “Work Under Progress” as it continues to develop through mid-20s of the person. The amygdala which is “the emotional center” of the brain is hyper-reactive in adolescents, and our teens rely heavily on the amygdala rather than the analytical parts of the brain. This explains the aggression and intense emotional outbursts. On the other hand, the prefrontal cortex which is “the executive center” is the last part of the brain to mature. This part is responsible for planning, impulse control, risk assessment, and long-term consequences… no wonder teenagers act impulsively and recklessly most of the times. Imagine a car wherein the engine is fully pumped up, while the steering and brakes (prefrontal cortex) are still under construction. That’s the exact situation we are dealing with.

Wait, there is a greener side to this picture too. Since the teenage brain is undergoing massive remodeling, it possesses a high degree of neuroplasticity which means in spite of being uniquely vulnerable, it is exceptionally adaptable. During adolescence, unused neural connections are eliminated to make the brain more efficient. Therefore, only those specific pathways get strengthened whatever teens regularly practice doing (sports, music, coding, doomscrolling).

When we understand the architecture of the adolescent brain, we can interpret everyday friction with our teenagers in a better way. Instead of looking at their impulsive action or shortsighted choice as a deliberate defiance, we can look at it as a consequence of machinery under construction. Also, their need for novelty, peer acceptance and risk taking can be viewed as nature’s way of helping them find their own identity before venturing out into the real word so that they can thrive independently and confidently out there.

As our children are getting ready for the take-off in the sky on their own, we should get ready to be the runway, they need to gear up and land securely if they need to. Let’s formulate some actionable strategies for this journey to be pleasurable for both of us.

• Support healthy brain development in children by ensuring peaceful sleep and engagement in constructive hobbies.
• Keep communication channel open by listening actively rather than lecturing or jumping in to fix the problem.
• Respond thoughtfully instead of reacting immediately to the emotional outbursts of kids.
• Keep healthy external boundaries that can act as framework for tackling impulsive and unhealthy behaviors.

Always, keep in mind, our teenagers aren’t simply “rebellious” or “moody” but at a critical evolutionary stage of adaptation and growth. We need patience and empathy to navigate successfully through these turbulent years.

“When we understand what is happening inside the teenage brain, teenage behavior begins to make a little more sense—and empathy becomes easier.”

Drop in the comments below stories of most baffling or hilarious “teenage brain” moment you’ve experienced recently!!