There is no way to be a perfect parent, yet many ways to be a good one!!

We all have been in situations of emotional meltdown numerous times during our parental journey. Be it an intense reaction to a silly tantrum of our toddler or a heated argument with our teenager over breaking the boundaries, parent of every generation has been there!! But in this digital age, where everything seems so perfect, such goof ups are painted as blunders and parents are often sent on a guilt trip for reacting to a stressful situation. The Instagram influencers who showcase innovative yet healthy tiffin ideas for kids, some others who berate us to be the “cool parents” who respond calmly to every stressful situation often hover over our social media feeds. These reels not only glamorize the non-existent “perfect parenting” but also force us to question “Am I really doing something wrong??” Because in real life, our kitchens are messy, the tiffin boxes carry simple meals, and we scream at the top of our voice when our kid is still meddling with their shoes when the school bus is already at the doorstep instead of explaining them the value of time in a gentle tone. This striking contrast between the reel and the real parents often creates a pressure we don’t know how to deal with.

The real culprit behind this “perfect parent” trap is not our parenting style but the social media algorithms which show us the curated content which feels real. The environments in these reels are mostly staged with flawless situations and people. They show only the best 1% of the person’s day. Additionally, the societal expectations about parenting amplify our guilt and normal day to day parenting challenges feel like personal failures leading to anxiety and burnout which ultimately affects the parent child relationship.

In reality, perfection is an illusion, so a ‘perfect parent’ doesn’t really exist. What we really need to be is a good enough parent. Donald Winnicott, a well-known pediatrician and psychoanalyst introduced this psychological concept of the “good-enough parent“. He emphasized that children do not need a perfect parent, instead an imperfect parent who makes minor, manageable mistakes helps a child build resilience, emotional growth, and independence. As parents, we try our best to meet the basic needs of our children and provide them the love and security necessary for their growth and Winnicott says that’s perfectly fine. Connection with the child often takes precedence over the perfection. When parents make mistakes and take efforts to fix it, the children learn that errors are repairable and frustrations are manageable.

Some pointers to break this perfect parent jinx:

• Restrict the media consumption that trigger self-doubt and inadequacy, instead opt for content that seems real and relatable.
• Start practicing the “Good enough” parent rule, focus on connection than perfection.
• Give yourself as well as the children permission to make mistakes and learn from them.
• And last but not the least, allow yourself to take breaks, skip routines and leave things messy sometimes because life is not a punishment!!

So, let’s be a real human being who is definitely fallible rather than being automated robots showing mechanical perfection!! Because parenting is certainly messy, loud and unpredictable and not always calm, organized and obvious!!

Pour in, a parenting rule you follow that you would set aside or simply disregard to free yourself from the burden of perfect parent in comments!!

Being a parent is not a competition, just doing it is difficult enough!!