Children do better when they feel better!

Jane Nelsen

In the last post, I had discussed what exactly it means to learn parenting and why there is a need to learn parenting in this age. This post is in continuation to the same topic. As I am really interested in learning about the growth and development of children especially the role of parenting in raising emotionally stable children, I keep on reading about various parenting approaches and experimenting with some of the highlighted aspects in my life as a parent. Recently, I came across this approach by Jane Nelsen called “Positive Discipline” which is based on the principals of famous psychologists Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. This approach provides practical application skills to help children stop misbehaving and to teach them self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation and problem-solving skills.

Dr. Adler was in favor of treating children respectfully but also argued that this treatment should not result in spoiling and pampering children which may lead to serious social and behavioral problems. Dreikurs and Adler refer to the kind and firm approach to teaching and parenting as “democratic.” Jane Nelsen further advocated this approach and wrote the book, Positive Discipline, in 1981. The concepts of positive discipline (explained in the books) appear promising and provide us with a tool kit to understand parenting in better way and practice in our day-to-day life.

There has always been a tug-of-war between punishment and permissiveness. Jane feels these two are the extremes because people believing in punishment think the kids will become uncontrollable in the absence of punishment while the ones who don’t believe in punishment set their kids free completely which may lead to careless and reckless behavior. Positive discipline finds a respectful midway between these two extremes of punitive and permissive behavior and that is being kind and firm at the same time. Of course, as mentioned number of times before, no method is a magic wand. It needs continuous effort and dedication on our side as well as the ability to learn from the mistakes.

I wish, I had known these skills when I was a new mother. But then better late than never and sharing what you learn is the best way to multiply your knowledge is what I believe. So, I will be sharing some insights of the Positive Discipline Approach which I found very helpful in my upcoming blogs. Let’s help our children to be the capable people of the society and make their world a beautiful place to exist. Please feel free to share your experiences/views along this journey.

To conclude, I would like to quote her popular statement,

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse.

Jane Nelsen.